Boston Takes 3-2 ALCS Lead Back To Fenway

Dueling catchers, Thursday nite

All week I've been planning to bombard you with propaganda about my beloved Red Sawx.  About how, top to bottom, they have the best lineup in baseball.  About how athletic they are, which is something I've NEVER heard said about them.  About how Xander Boegarts is the youngest player to ever start a postseason game.  About the beards.  Etc., etc., etc.

But in the end you don't read this blog to get information about major league baseball.  You read it for the humor, so here's a sampling of some of the best lines I've ever heard (or used):

"Some days the supply of available curse words in insufficient to meet my needs."
 "Dude, stop calling me 'bro'."
"Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate:  1."
"I have CDO.  It's like OCD, except all the letters are in alphabetical order.  As they should be."
"Some people just need a high-five.  In the face.  With a chair."
"1.  Place new batteries on table.  2.  Take out old batteries.  3.  Place all batteries on table.  4.  Mix them all up.  5.  Trial and error."
"If I found out I had only a week to live, and could go anywhere, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious."
"Sometimes I get scared robots are going to take over the world.  Then I use a motion-controlled sink."
 "Whatever you do, always give 100%.  Unless it's donating blood."

Admittedly, I'm short on material, so here's what you came looking for:

Friday Night Preps

South Portland (4-2) vs. Biddeford (4-2).  Longtime rivals (and once great powers) find themselves with identical records.  Given the number of returning starters, South Portland's was somewhat expected, while Biddeford (pronounced "BID-deh-fidd") was thought to be rebuilding.  Both teams lost to Bonny Eagle and both beat Massabesic, Noble, and Sanford.  The difference was Scarborough which beat the Riots in the OT thriller, yet was upended by 21 against the Tigers.  Neither team seems capable of stopping the run on a consistent basis, and while Biddeford scores mostly on very short rushing plays, the Riots seem to have the explosive breakaway threat either on the ground or through the air.  There has never been any love lost between these schools, at least since I went there.  I'll take the homers in a war.  PICK:  South Portland.

Rogers (3-3) vs. Bethel (2-4).  Braves are catching Rams coming off a huge upset of Kentwood.  Wait...can we get a good mascot/nickname argument going here?  These two have beaten the same teams (Emerald Ridge and Spanaway Lake) as well as lost to the same teams (Federal Way and Graham-Kapowsin), and by remarkably similar margins.  Bethel doesn't throw the ball much, while passing is the name of Rogers' game.  The key will be whether or not the Rams can prevent mistakes.  So far this season, they've turned over the ball every time they've fumbled (13 occasions) and have lost 405 yds. in penalties.  Mistakes or not, I just don't see the Braves tomahawk-chopping QB Grayson Madland.  PICK:  Rogers.

Saturday Regulars

Union (2-3) at Western New England (1-4).  Riding a defensive high, the Dutchmen take on a new opponent which has been less than impressive during the 2013 season.  For starters, the Golden Bears lost to Springfield 49-40 while Union crushed the Pride 27-7.  Nevertheless, WNE has been a scoring machine during the rest of its season, averaging over 34 points per game.  This inaugural meeting between the two schools sets up to be a classic between teams with opposite strengths.  While home field will go to the Bears, it shouldn't matter because they don't seem to be able to stop opponents.  PICK:  Union.

Air Force (1-6) idle (mercifully); next 10/26 vs. Notre Dame.  Falcon apologist The Sentinel was hoping that I would help him distract Smack followers by sending me an "explanation" of the Air Force football team's shortcomings.  Not buyin' it, not reprintin' it.

Lincoln Financial Field all dolled up

Army (3-4) at Temple (1-6).  Several years back, The Smack followed Temple as that year's doormat.  Then followed a number of successful seasons including bowl trips.  But Temple is back on the bottom this year.  Despite having a fairly balanced offense, the Owls have been unable to get much production out of the QB position.  The same cannot be said for Army.  Temple may be more formidable up front against the run, but hasn't had to contend with the likes of the Black Knights' triumverate of Terry Baggett, Larry Dixon, and Twentin Turrentine.  Some pundits are picking Temple.  Must be the same guys who predicted the government shutdown would last well into the holiday season.  PICK:  Army.

Navy (3-2) at Toledo (3-3).  Get ready to be surprised.  Unless you follow MAC football, you won't know how good the 3-3 Rockets really are.  They have a quality offense led by RB David Fluellen who is ranked 4th in the nation.  No really, Fluellen is ranked 4th!  Toledo's defense has allowed only 142.7 yds./game on the ground, which will certainly challenge whichever offense shows up for the Middies.  Their three losses have included #14 Missouri, and #22 Florida (who, coincidentally, play each other this week).  Not going out on the limb too far to predict that Navy will even its record at 3-3 as well.  PICK:  Toledo.

"I'm the BYU mascot. Who are you?"

BYU (4-2) at Houston (5-0).  Classic example of how being undefeated midway through a season means nothing.  Notice that these Cougars are not nationally-ranked, though.  That's because Houston has feasted on the likes of Southern, Temple, Rice, Texas-San Antonio, and Memphis.  On the other hand, BYU--the "other white meat"--has lost to the likes of Utah and Boise State by a combined four points.  BYU is notably more offensive than Houston (I mean, they have the advantage when they have the ball).  Houston has a tendency to drop the ball, and while they recovered four of their five fumbles last week against Memphis, they haven't faced the opportunism which is BYU's defense.  PICK:  BYU.

USC (4-2) at Notre Dame (4-2).  This may turn out to be one of those classics in the longtime rivalry.  While the Irish are not the team they were last season, USC is on the uptick because they've been rid of the cancer that was Lane Kiffin.  Notre Dame seems to not be missing QB Everett Golson as much as the experts thought they would.  Former 1st-stringer Tommy Rees has performed well, although he's not the running threat that Golson was.  The Trojan offense has adjusted to the absence of WR Marqise Lee, especially with the return of RB Silas Redd.  But Lee returns this week, and Redd is not the only RB the Irish have to defend (team rushing leader Tre Madden).  Notre Dame will miss LB Jarrett Grace, who leads the team with 40 tackles.  Most are leaning toward the Irish prevailing in a close game at home.  I'll take the upset.  PICK:  USC.

Boston College (3-3) idle; next 10/26 at North Carolina.  Hey, Air Force isn't busy...

Georgia State (0-6) at Texas State (3-3).  Interestingly, I very nearly chose Texas State as this year's doormat.  Like Central Florida a few years back, T-State is enjoying a better-than-expected season.  Yet neither team has a passing game, with the Bobcats unable to decide on a starting QB from amongst three who have seen action thus far.  But they do have RBs Robert Lowe and Chris Nutall, each racking up 5.7 yds./carry.  Unfortunately, the offense also was responsible for two pick-sixes.in last week's loss to Loozianna-MONrow, but the good news is that their defense only gave up 7 points and 192 yds.  Add that to G-State's being on the road, and I don't see the Panthers turning it around this week.  PICK:  Texas State.

Oregon (6-0) vs. Washington State (4-3).  In case you hadn't heard by now, the Ducks will be sporting pink helmets in tribute to October's being "Breast Cancer Awareness Month".  This was only after heated debate, with a small but vocal group of team members from predominantly farm states who pushed to substitute a spiral-cut pork leg for the traditional "O" helmet logo in recognition of "Eat Country Ham Month".  As for the game, forget that the Cougars beat an emotionally-disturbed USC team earlier this season.  Their defense already gives up 43 points and 581 yds. per contest.  In this week's presser following a 52-24 loss to Oregon State, head coach Mike Leach said of his team, "For two-thirds of the game I thought they played really well. For one-third of the game I thought they played about as bad as it's possible to play."  First of all, someone tell Leach that football is played in QUARTERS, not THIRDS.  Also, quit referring to your own team as "they", it's not endearing to the players, the fans, or the university.  Maybe he still thinks he's at Texas Tech.  Maybe he wishes he were.  PICK:  Oregon.

And finally, I leave you with this...

"If I've pissed you off already today, I'm sorry.  If I haven't, please take a number and I'll be with you shortly."