Fact-checking Leads to Crow-eating

Week #1 is in the books, but not without some backpeddling to do.

REPORT:  Notre Dame and Navy played in London.

FACT:  The two schools played in Dublin.  Not sure who played in London...Arsenal and  Liverpool?  (P. S.  John Carroll and St. Norbert also played in Dublin yesterday, at a place called "Donnybrook Stadium"...love that.)

REPORT:  Idaho State would give Air Force a tough game, especially through the air.

FACT:   Though the Pocatato Pussycats threw for lots of yards, none led to a TD.

REPORT:  The University of New Mexico sucks.

FACT:  Final score...UNM 66, Southern 21.  (OK, Wofford fans, it WAS Southern...their band would still kick ass.)

Here's the rest of the news, according to me:

Salve Regina 17, Union 14.  Clinging to a 14-6 lead after three quarters, Garnet whiplashed by two quick Seahawk scores and can't rally in time.  New QB Connor Eck under 50% completions but throws for 172 yds. and one TD.  Altogether Dutchmen roll up 340 yds. of total offense, besting SR in every category.  Sadly, this isn't hand grenades or horseshoes, and only the final score counts.

Air Force 49, Idaho State 21.  Big day for guys with names ending in the letter "Z", as Falcons' QB Connor Dietz and Cody Getz headline new-name offense that rolls up 628 yds. of total offense and sends ISU down like a vodka-soaked MIG-17.  But in a contest that draws almost no attention across America, State coach Mike Kramer pays tribute to The Academy's "shocking perimeter blocking".  Good, 'cause USAFA will need it next week when they meet a wounded Michigan squad embarassed yesterday by Alabama.

Notre Dame 50, Navy 10.  Where's Joe Belino when you need him?  For that matter, let's just bring Paul Johnson back from Georgia Tech.  USNA victories over the Irish in 2007, 2009, and 2010...jeez, what a difference a year or two makes.  Mids are no challenge for revitalized Irish team that is picked by many to be the comeback team of 2012.  Saturday's victory is especially impressive given that ND plays without starting QB and RB.  But really...who's the marketing genius who conjures up the name "Emerald Isle Classic" for this one?

BYU 30, Washington State 6.  Not exactly what I envision as I turn on the TV looking for the "Battle of the Cougars".  Neither Bronco Mendenhall nor Mike Leach will win any beauty contests.  Of course, "mainstream media" is highly impressed with Cougars opener (ba-da-BING!).  But Wazoo...really??  OK, Riley Nelson is a nice QB, but let's not confuse him with Gifford Nielson just yet.  Besides, we're still struggling to get by the mourning period for Jake Heaps.  Anyway, LDS boys look pretty balanced on offense, but jury will be out on their defense until they face someone who can produce more than -5 yds. total rushing.

USC 49, Hawaii 10.  Grannie Denise steps away from the screen to answer her cell phone just after kickoff and misses QB Matt Barkley launching a TD pass to WR Marqise (without the "u") Lee.  From then on, total domination.  We blink...USC scores.  Those guys are BIG...and FAST.  'Bows do manage a couple of impressive drives, although QB Sean Schroeder spends most of the afternoon running for his freaking life.  Best moment of the game (with the exception of dinner at halftime) is Barkley getting dumped on his backside and coming up screaming at his "blocker", Tailback Silas Redd.  But of course Redd just arrived from Penn State a couple of weeks ago and still is afraid to go in the showers.  (Sorry...too soon?)  Unlike Mark Sanchez before him, Barkley is smart to have returned for his senior season.  Then again, I saw the Alabama-Michigan highlights this morning...

And yes, Virginia, there was high school action after all!

Windham 47, South Portland 13.  (I didn't say it was FAVORABLE action.)  Back when I spent my summers at Little Sebago Lake, the only football team Windham had was on our beach, goal-line stands with Carl Roediger trying to prevent me from pushing the ball across the shoreline.  Three lines to distract you from the results of this game, and the once-proud Riots getting pushed all over George Martin Field by the Eagles. First-year senior QB Damien Shepard runs for 142 yds. and scores four times, while the defense takes the Riots to Pratt Abbot's (inside South Portland dry cleaner joke).  Here's an unlikely quote from--who else--8th year coach Steve Stinson:  "The game went kind of the way we thought it would--with good things and bad things, and a lot of teachable moments."  Hey coach, didn't you get the memo...there's no such thing as a "teachable moment" anymore.

Federal Way 41, Rogers 14.  Apparently the only time a Rogers game is detailed anywhere in the Washington state press, it's gotta be a win.  All I can determine from the worldwide web is that they got stomped by Fed Way.  Maybe we can find a way to match the 6,285th-ranked Rams and the 4,225th-ranked Riots for an early season game.  Steve Stinson could use it as a "learning experience" and Rams' coach Gene Bowen could explain how he expects to make the SPSL4 playoffs by continuing to allow opponents an average of over 400 yds./game in total offense.