Nyad Navigates Cuba-to-Florida Without Shark Cage

Fifth Time's A Charm!

Derailed by box jelly fish in her previous four attempts, Diana Nyad finally has conquered the Cuba-to-U. S. swim.  Reported in depth by CNN, the network nevertheless has no video proof of Nyad actually climbing out of the ocean following her accomplishment.  However, sources close to the 64 year-old claimed success saying, "Hey, we're not NASA!"  Twitter entry following announcement says it all:  "Mylie Cyrus gets mega-coverage for a foam finger and Diana Nyad gets so little.  Priorities, people."  So there ya go.

In other news, the sage words of Lou Holtz lead off The Smack's review of Week #1 in college football, “Only schedule an FCS opponent if you can beat ‘em."  Five big upsets make Week #1 the most fun you can have with your shouldermapads on.  Oh, and ‘Bama considers itself lucky, escaping with what amounted to a 14-10 victory, what with two horrendous VATech lapses on special teams that allowed touchdown returns.  Haven’t checked my TV yet this morning, but I’ll bet THE Ohio State University puts on a strong move to claim #1 

Here’s how our Smack slate fared:

Air Force 38, Colgate 13.  Scheduling genius hired away from BYU lines up Falcons’ 18^th consecutive FCS patsie.  Must’ve been those lineman averaging 283 pounds, as Red Raiders are first out of the blocks.  But home team settles down and posts 38 unanswered points on 409 total yards of offense.  Defense stifles Patriot League preseason offensive Player of the Year Gavin McCarney, holding him to just 143 yards on 14-of-27 pass completions.  Moral of the story:  lineman can’t just be big, and preseason awards mean nothing.  Considering Colgate now is 1-6 vs. FBS opponents, this one is certainly no surprise.

Angel Santiago shreds Morgan State

Army 28, Morgan State 12.  Helmets off to the Black Knights’ execution (zero turnovers, zero penalties, and the icing on the cake…ZERO extra points allowed).  It remains to be seen if junior Angel Santiago will make everyone forget Trent Steelman, but he does a pretty good job of it with 221 yds. of total offense.  Says Santiago following the game, “There is no one guy on this team. All eleven of us on the field are a team. When we’re all in sync and in tune, we’re definitely a force.”  Hear that, Manziel?

Virginia 19, BYU 16.  Schedule a decent opponent, play them on the road, and throw in a little Carolina inclement weather, and you have a recipe for upset.  For the sake of accuracy, game isn’t won until the very end, when Cavs RB Kevin Parks waltzes across for the 13-yd. score.  BYU QB Taysom Hill has a very un-Cougar-like performance, throwing 13-for-40 with one INT and three sacks.  There’s hope for the Brothers as the defense gives up only 233 total yards and allows just 6-of-20 third down conversions.

Samford 31, Georgia State 21.  2011’s worst loss was to UMaine (51-7)  New coach (Trent Miles), new uniforms (black and blue…chuckle), and new conference (Sun Belt), but still doormats.  Hey, let’s give ‘em the benefit of the doubt…they’ve only been playing football at GSU since 2010!  But three mistakes = 17 Samford points and shows ineptitude in all three aspects of the game (O, D, and spec teams).  On the bright side, QB Ronnie Bell throws three TD passes and finishes with 391 yds. through the air.  And the defense is responsible for only 14 of the Bulldogs’ points.  Panthers may be a fun team to follow after all.  Well, at least until Week #6, when they play ‘Bama.

Trinity Christian Troll (blogger will burn in hell)

Answers to last week’s quiz:  1.b. Cal State Long Beach Dirtbags.  Granted, the formal team name for this California University is the 49ers, but since 1989 the unofficial name for the school baseball team has been the Dirtbags.  2.a. College of the Atlantic Black Flies.  This college of oceanography in Bar Harbor, Maine took the team name from an historic springtime pest that arrives in Maine with the mud season.  3.c. McDaniel College Green Terror.  Named after a colorful tropical fish that is neither green nor a terror, but rather a moderately aggressive striped fish popular with aquarium enthusiasts.  4.d. Oglethorpe University Stormy Petrels.  Named after a small seabird that skims low over the waves in search of food. The name was selected by a college president in 1915, supposedly an inspiration to James Oglethorpe, the British colonist who founded Georgia.  5.e. Trinity (Illinois) Christian College Trolls.  So named despite the decidedly un-Christian nature of the mythical creature, in part because they are the only Trolls in the NCAA and in part because the school wanted a colorful mascot to liven up the growing school's image.

Closing notes:  Next week The Smack will pick up coverage of the family high school alma maters, the MaxPreps nationally-ranked #3,729 Rogers Rams of Puyallup, WA and the Red Riots of South Portland, ME (ranked, um, #10,559).  Polling my wife Julia, a 1992 graduate of Loyola Marymount which has no football program, she has settled on the Eagles of Boston College to be her surrogate Jesuit standard-bearer.  Subsequent weekly pigskin and beer dates with my mother-in-law Denise also will mean inclusion of the USC Trojans.    Good thing for both of them:  their teams both won over the weekend.